my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
