He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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