just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
