the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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