so explain again why im purple
no
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
