I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize