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shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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