Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
