My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
