So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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