Me too!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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