Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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