I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize