It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
