I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
