mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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