I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
