If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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