who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
