you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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