My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am available for nakedness
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old