I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?