I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.