I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.