Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.