you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
