I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
