how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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