I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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