Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
