It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
