woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
