I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
