her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
