My nipple is on Facebook.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me