did you get engaged???
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'