i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You can't die you're my only democrat family member