you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
They took my balls.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
