She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
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I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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