I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
