I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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