I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize