babies were throwing up all over the place
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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