True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
