hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
