rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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