you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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