Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
not ubering you a puppy
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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