Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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