my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
