some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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