I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize