god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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