There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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