i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
