I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.