is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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